I’m a big believer of treating your emotions as neutral tools. There is no such thing as a good emotion or a bad one. Just an emotion. Emotions are the clues to what is going on in our soul.
This weekend I came across the idea that Jealousy is a window into what we really want. What I really want?
Whenever someone asks, “What do you want?” I normally draw a blank. Um, world peace and a puppy?
I am embarrassed to say I really don’t know. There are so many things to want. A happy, healthy family. Great food. A beach outside my backdoor. A good book and a cup of potato soup. But what do I really want?
The author, Julia Cameron, suggests that Jealousy lets us know what we really want. Paying attention to what and who we are jealous of gives us hints towards what we really want. Most of us operate on the idea that there is a limited resource of goodness in this world, and when we see someone or something with what we want something inside of us burns. And that burning is Jealousy (aren’t you glad it isn’t a horrible STD?).
So I’ve been wondering what I want, what/who I am jealous of. The first thing I think is that I am jealous of people who are well-travelled. I immediately thought of a friend from college, Jessica, who started off in a small town in No Where, TN, and is seriously the most well-traveled person I’ve ever heard of. Another friend from my practicum, Summer, is also constantly hopping around the globe. To be honest, I don’t know if it is necessarily the traveling part that I am jealous of, or the free-spiritedness I associate with being a globe-hopper. There is something magically scary and romantic about leaving the “real world” for a while and going on an adventure to no place in particular.
I am also jealous of those put together girls. I don’t know how to describe it other than they take showers regularly, have “outfits” that actually go together (it isn’t just “the pants that are clean” and “the shirt that isn’t completely wrinkled”), and always look like they care about how they look. I am so jealous of those girls and how they make it look so dang easy.
So what do I want? To be a free-spirited, world travelling, fashionista.