Getting to First Base on Hump Day

The “Bases Analogy” was supposed to make talking about physical intimacy easier, right?  If I said that I got to second base then you instinctively understood that I had gotten a little more action than first base, but not quite enough action to put me on third.

Great idea, right?  Something fun (getting frisky) disguised in something boring (baseball).  Genius.

Except for one thing… no one took time to formally define the bases!

There were many a high school cafeteria conversation spent debating the definition of the bases…

Mary:  So… I got to second base this weekend… It. Was. Awesome.
Sherry:  Second base?  Are you sure?
Mary:  Yes, I’m sure… why are you looking at me like that, Chelle?
Chelle:  Well, you barely know him… and that’s kind of slutty.  Besides, how did you… know what to do?  Like where to put your hands and stuff..
Mary:  It isn’t that slutty… and what do you mean “know what to do”?  Everyone knows what to do on second.
Sherry:  Where did you learn how to do it?
Mary:  It’s easy… you just watch t.v.  And maybe I practiced a little with my arm… why are you guys looking at me like that?
Sherry:  You watched second base on t.v.?  You can’t watch second base on t.v.  Unless you have those dirty channels… do y’all have the dirty channels?
Chelle:  You can see second on t.v.  It’s not dirty.  It’s slutty because Mary barely knows the guy.
Mary:  Excuse me!  We did NOT do anything from the dirty channels!  We french kissed!  That’s what second base is!  French kissing!
Sherry:  It is not, it can’t be.  Second base is waaayyy past french kissing.  It’s… (whispers her idea of second base to Mary)
Mary:  Heck no!
Chelle:  Tell me! Tell me! 
Sherry:  First, tell me what you thought second base was.
Chelle:  Um, well, I thought it was hugging…
Mary:  You thought hugging was second base?  What on earth is slutty about hugging?
Chelle:  Your boobs would be touching him… duh!!
Lita:  Hey, girls, guess who got to third this weekend?
*All names changed to protect the innocent.

So before we begin this Hump Day, I’m going to deem First Base as…

Kissing.  Pop kisses, French kisses, slight biting of the lip kisses.  All of them are going on first base today.

Don’t ever ignore kissing.  Just like in baseball where you have to touch all the bases before you get to homeplate, don’t forget to kiss.

From a evolutionary scientific standpoint kissing is extremely important, especially for the ladies.  We get lots of information from this nonverbal act of love.  We get to taste, smell, and check out his ‘moves’ long before we make any bigger, riskier intimacy decisions.  Considering we have plenty more to lose by making bad decisions about who we mate with (i.e. getting preggers without a baby daddy for financial support), women had to use kissing to guage the man’s commitment and gene quality before she’d ‘do the deed’. 

Women continue to use kissing to both monitor and enhance the bond with her chosen mate, which is why kissing never becomes unimportant.  The chemicals that are released keep a woman feeling bonded and secure, and this feeling is oh so necessary for enjoyable future relations.

And for the pragmatists, kissing is the fastest way to get a woman “in the mood”.  Don’t forget the kissing.

Kissing is also great for your health!  A good morning kiss could add five years to your life*.  And if you’re getting a kiss each morning who wouldn’t an additional 5, right?

Your teeth are healthier (saliva swapping helps protect from cavities), your heart works better (the adrenaline rush of kissing keeps it pumping), and your face could look years younger (the facial muscles get some much needed exercise) all because of a simple game of tonsil hockey!

Smooching can even deepen your spirituality.  Many people struggle with meditation, being mindful, or the command to not worry.  All of these are difficult states to achieve, especially when you’re trying!  Being present to a kiss, however, comes pretty easily.  It’s natural to get lost in the sensations and to fully experience the here and now of a great kiss.  So why not try to channel some of that “time-stands-still-right-here-in-the-moment” presence over to the rest of your life?  Couldn’t hurt.

So batter up, boys and girls! Let’s play ball!

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