When I grow up I want to be a…

dancer, children’s book illustrator, comic book artist, car designer, architect, journalist, international businesswoman…

The list goes on and on. Most of those careers still seem fun, but eventually Life said I had to choose.

I argued that it wasn’t fair, that I wanted to be everything.

Life argued that in my wanting to be everything I was sitting at a desk answering a telephone doing much of nothing.

Life is right. I need to choose. I need to quit letting my fear of one thing lead me to think I’d ever make a good comic book artist. I wouldn’t, and that’s ok.

I need to let go of all these old dreams, and realize that there is a real dream sitting right in front of me, waiting for me to grab hold of it.

I went to school to be a marriage and family therapist. Trust me, I have every reason why I should not be a therapist written, in what feels like permanent marker, all over my heart.

I am not old enough.
I have no experience.
I only paid ‘enough’ attention in class.
I am not very perceptive.
I am not very caring.
I zone out.
A lot.

The list goes on and on…

The ‘one thing’ I’m afraid of (I could only wish that I was afraid of one thing) is that I won’t be very good. That I’ll fail. Miserably. In front of everyone.

That I’ll hand my heart, filled with all these dreams of helping people, over to Life.

And what will Life do?

Violently squash my heart, filled with dreams, that’s what.

Needless to say, I want to hold on to my heart, and never share my dream of being a marriage and family therapist with Life or anyone else. It’s better this way, right?

Then I realize that holding my heart means that I will be the one violently squashing my dreams, and I surely don’t want that on my conscience, to be known as a Heart Squasher. To be the Squasher of my own heart. Preposterous!

So I’m handing the dreams over to Life, and finding out what happens….

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5 thoughts on “When I grow up I want to be a…

  1. Candice says:

    Well…Marie, that’s awesome!! You should do it!! I’m sure that you will be great at it!

    I hate to admit that when I was young, all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a “McDonald’s lady”. I was going to give my parents all the free food that they wanted, free fries for me, and nothing for my brother! muah, ha ha!! I know…I had high, lofty dreams as a child that I never fulfilled. However, they were dreams…

    I think you have a better shot at fulfilling your dreams! Go for it!!

  2. Crystal says:

    Wow, Marie, I’m so proud of you for trusting in yourself!

    I, too, want to be everything. I also want to do everything. I always say there aren’t enough hours in the day to fit in all the things I’d like to do. Scrapbook, read, quilt, play games, spend time with my nephew, keep up with my friends… Arg! The list goes on and on! So what do I end up doing? Nothing! I sit on the couch and zone out in front of the tv… which I despise!! Talk about wasting your life away!

    So I say to you, Congratulations for picking one! Maybe I can take a page from your book.

  3. Marie says:

    Thanks guys, you’re encouragement seriously means the world 😀

    Candice, seriously, I think your dream of being McDonald’s lady is beautiful! How you wanted to be generous with (almost) everyone? That’s so cool!

    Crystal, I know exactly what you mean about having all these ideas of what life COULD look like, but instead you get home and you just sit… it’s so depressing to think about, huh? And I can’t help much with most of your dreams (I don’t scrapbook or quilt, sorry), but we could keep up with each other better… and we could start that little game with you getting a blog… whaddya say? 😀

  4. Wende says:

    I’m just impressed you want to grow up.

    I sadly lack that ambition.

    But life, life has a way of meeting you, even if you hold on to your dreams. It can pry your hands open and take what it likes. And you will find you are doing exactly what you should be doing, despite your best effort. No point in fighting it.

    Of course, that doesn’t apply to ME. 😀

  5. Marie says:

    Wait, I don’t HAVE to grow up??? I can avoid it? Hot dog!

    And I must say, from reading your blogs lately, I am very interested in where life is taking you…heh, and you WISH it didn’t apply to you 😀

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