“There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.”- Tom Krause… Sobbing is a response, right?

A local church is sponsoring a medical missions clinic in a low income area of Nashville. I was given the opportunity to help provide counseling to individuals who desired to talk to someone.

I don’t know what I can say that doesn’t violate confidentiality, so I’m not going to say much.

Except that I came home crying.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t because I was so moved by the plight of the people I saw. I really wish I could have been that compassionate today.

No, I came home and cried on Mark’s shoulder…

I‘m not supposed to be a counselor. I’m quitting.

What happened?

I suck at it all. I talk too much. I don’t let people answer my questions. I’m anxious. I’m not one of those warm inviting people lovers. I’m weird and awkward, and people hate me.

That’s not true. How do you feel?

I feel stupid. I am stupid.

You aren’t stupid. What else do you feel?

I am embarrassed.

I’m sorry.

And I feel really stupid.

I do want to quit. I don’t want to ever talk about another dream. Ever again. I am not a helper, healer, or lover of people. And I am stupid for thinking that I ever could be.

I’m not really sure what even bothers me. That I’m not a very good counselor. That I chose paths that got me out of school faster, rather than waiting for opportunities that would allow me to really grow and challenge my skills. That the whole situation that happened today was unintentionally set up for me to fail. That I feel like that last sentence was so an excuse, and I hate excuses. I plain suck, no excuses.

*Don’t worry about me, though.  I am still convinced I shouldn’t be a counselor, but I am in a good mood.  I can’t help but smile after watching presidential candidates get pwned by Paris Hilton.

3 thoughts on ““There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.”- Tom Krause… Sobbing is a response, right?

  1. Susan says:

    You are a lover of people. More than most people I know.
    And you just need practice, my dear. Practice. Of which you will get plenty in the days, months, and years to come. God hasn’t brought you this far for nothing.

    And Paris is HILARIOUS pwning McCain. This morning he said she had a better energy plan than Obama. We better watch out. SHE may be the next president~

  2. Secret Agent CT says:

    Marie!! I disagree with you! You are a lover of people and compassionate! You are a helper! You help make me laugh and cheer me up on a bad day.

    Are you seriously having a mid-life crisis in your early twenties? 😉 Some days, I think that I am.

  3. mckinneyoatescereal says:

    Susan, yes, I think you’re right. It’s practice. And Paris is hilarious, it is the first time I saw her and didn’t think she was a complete idiot.

    Secret Agent CT (I’m loving this name), thank you for saying that 😀 I think you hit the nail on the head with the mid-life crisis… I can be such a drama queen 😀

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