The Honeymoon begins…
Marie: We’re going to the beach, we’re going to the beach…(in a sing-song voice…because I sing-song all. the. time.)
Mark: Yeah, we need to get out there as soon as possible. We don’t want to waste any time. If we waste time it’s like they’re stealing from us. So let’s go!
Marie: Yes! To the beach we go!
Mark: Do you need to put anything in the safe? Because we have a safe. And we don’t want to waste anything. Don’t waste time. Don’t waste amenities. No. waste.
Marie: No, I’m cool… I trust everyone and everything. (mind you, this was pre-dog bite Marie…now I trust no one).
Mark: Yeah, well I’m gonna put something in there…(starts picking up random objects from around the room to throw in the safe)… ok, let’s go!
Out on the beach
Mark: Ok, let’s go check out what beach toys we can use. This Sandals place is all-inclusive. That doesn’t mean it’s free, that just means we’ve already paid for everything. So let’s squeeze every dime we can out of this place, baby!
Marie: Sounds like a plan! I want to… lay out! I’ll go grab the free towels!
Mark: No, no, no. We didn’t come here to lay out. We need to use their stuff. The canoes. The sail boats. The kayaks. Towels are not amenities. What free adventure do we want to go on?
Marie: Oh. Well, let’s… kayak?
Mark: Great choice. If we get started now, we should be able to use all our free amenities before lunch…
Mark (after using the free sailboat, free kayak, and free canoe) is windsurfing… for free.
Marie: Now that we’ve used everything can we lay out? Or even just swim?
Mark: Yeah, let’s swim, first in the ocean, and then we’ll go to all the pools. Must. use. everything.
Marie: Yeah…whatever. Hey! Did you put your wedding band in the safe? Should I have put my ring in the safe? Ugh! I suck at being a wife!!
Mark: My ring? (looks at hands) Oh no! I’ve lost my wedding band! It fell off in the water!
Marie: Ha! So you suck! Not me! Awesome.
Unfortunately, wedding bands are not a free amenity at the Sandals Resort…
Every time I asked Mark what happened to his ring, I would get this pitiful look. Poor guy.