Stump Speech

It annoys the crap out of me when I see Sarah Palin giving that same speech in every town.  I mean, seriously, we get that you’re a pit bull and that you said no to the Bridge to Nowhere.  That’s awesome.  Really.  It is.

And then her little interview with Katie Couric?  I started to wonder if she was even listening to the question, or if she was just giving the answers that the campaign people had authorized her to give.

Then God reminded me of my own personal stumpiness…

During the wedding planning
Truly interested friend/family member:  So how is the wedding planning going?  Are you excited?
Marie:  Oh my gosh yes!  It hasn’t been very stressful since I haven’t had to do anything.  It’s really been great.
Truly interested friend/family member:  That’s awesome!  Is there a theme or anything?  What are your colors?
Marie:  Oh my gosh yes!  It hasn’t been very stressful since I haven’t had to do anything… 

I realize, due to the look on the person’s face, that I haven’t answered their question and have immensely confused both of us.  What am I talking about?  What did this person even ask?  I don’t know because I’m not really listening to anyone because I’m so stressed out from the wedding talk!  Crap.  What do I do now?

Marie:  It’s really been great… 

Because saying “It’s really been great…” will hopefully signal to the person that this conversation really should be over now.

Truly interested/confused friend/family member:  Yeah…

Or what about whenever I’d tell people that the wedding was in May, and they’d give this shocked look that I always interpreted as “Ohmygosh, is Marie pregnant?  Why so fast?” so I started saying my wedding date and quickly follow it with, “And, no, I’m not pregnant”.  It kinda became my little stump answer, which was fine with most people.  Until one of the vice presidents I work for asked me about the wedding…

VP:  Marie!  I didn’t know you were getting married! Congratulations!
Marie:  Yes, in May.  We’re very excited.  It hasn’t been very stressful since I haven’t had to do anything.  And, no, I’m not pregnant.

You probably think I’m kidding.  That I really didn’t answer my boss like this.  But no.  I’m not.  It was so awkward, and I know he was taken aback with my very inappropriate answer.

VP:  Oh (his smile looks frozen on his face due to the awkwardness), well, that’s great… congratulations…
Marie:  Thank you.  Everyone probably thinks we’re pregnant, ya know, because it was so quick.  But I’m not.

Marie.  Please shut up.

Marie:  We just thought it was a good time.  But I’m sure everyone will be looking for the ‘baby bump’, right?  But nope, no, baby bump.  Because there is no baby.
VP:  Yeah…

And now that I’m married?  I keep getting asked, “So, how is married life going?”  and I keep saying, “Great! I’m having a lot of fun!  But I’m sure that will be over soon, right?” 

Way to go with the optimism, Marie.

I don’t know how long it will be until that pathetic stump answer will turn into “Well, we’ve been married for 3 years and it sucks now, so we’re right on track, I guess!”

Needless to say, I am a believer and user of the stump speech/answer and am in complete support of Palin’s stump speech, no matter how much it annoys me.

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4 thoughts on “Stump Speech

  1. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    My current stump speech is the following:

    Anyone on the face of the planet: So, when are you and Thomas having babies?

    Me uncontrollably annoyed by this personal question: I don’t know. When are you having a baby?

    Anyone on the face of the planet: (that’s right…nothing other than the sound of crickets)

    Me beyond amused with my skills: So when are you having a baby?

    This response works on EVERYONE but my pregnant friends. They get to be smart butts back to me and give me their due dates. 😛 on them. However, since my brother just had his baby…he gets to rejoin this game!! Haha!!

    Just wait Marie… your turns coming! It’s BEYOND annoying. I already know that you’ll be responding to this comment with “Candice, when are you having a baby?”. So to squash that one already… Marie, when are you having a baby? 🙂

  2. Crystal says:

    CT – Amen! I hear you sister! EVERYONE at my workplace is pregnant. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but come on: Two ladies had babies this month, two ladies welcomed grandchildren this month, one more with a grandchild any day, and 3, yes, I said THREE!!!! more ladies announced that they are pregnant. What is wrong with these people! Oh, and one of my good friends informed me that she, too, is pregnant. I became friends with her when she used to WORK WITH ME!! This place is cursed I say! So I get to hear ‘Oooh, Crystal, now it’s your turn. When are you going to have a baby?’
    Ha! How about NEVER with the way this world is these days. I want kids, but I am definitely NOT ready for them right now. And neither is my husband. Thank God! We have 5 nephews between the ages of 8 years and 6 months old. I’d say we’re set for another several years.
    So, needless to say, I don’t think you will EVER have to hear me ask either of you that question.

  3. Crystal says:

    Oh wait, I almost forgot. There is yet another lady at work expecting a child. Except she quit a few months back.
    I’m telling you. Cursed.

  4. mckinneyoatescereal says:

    You two are hilarious. And, Crystal, I’d consider getting out of there… it’s obviously contagious 🙂

    Candice, that is a genius stump speech. And I bet you had to use it lots at the hospital hanging out with your precious niece 😀

    I think when they start asking me the pregnancy question I’m going to say, “Yeah, I’m pregnant, but it isn’t his… can you help me keep a secret?” Heh.

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