There are lots of items that fall into the category of “Hump Day Equipment”. Some I am familiar with and will gladly talk about. Some I am familiar with, and will lie and say, “What is that?” if mentioned around me. And some I really don’t know how, what or why you’d use them, but to each his own.
However, there is one piece of equipment that is pretty standard in about 84% of all Hump Day activities.
The bed is so much more important to The Hump than we give it credit for. Uncomfortable, squeaky or unsafe beds will do the complete opposite of enhance the mood.
An uncomfortable bed for either or both of the involved parties can be a real downer. I know because I share a bed with “The Princess and the Pea” (I’ve already warned him that I’m going to tease him about being uber sensitive about the state of our bed, I just didn’t tell him that it was going to be in the context of The Hump, so, ummm, “Shh”, k?).
“Do you feel this? Do you feel how it just falls in the middle? See, lay here. No. Lay here. Ok. Two more inches to the right. Yeah, right there. Do you feel that? How it slopes? Why are you laughing? Who is a princess?”
Every. single. night.
We’ve done lots to improve the comfort of our bed so that the Princess my husband can get a good night’s rest. An uncomfortable bed may not directly affect the quality of The Hump, but it can indirectly affect it by bringing that yucky attitude to the Den of Love Where Only Happy Thoughts Exist.
Make sure the bed is comfortable. And having a box spring never hurts.
We don’t have a squeaky bed, but I can imagine how much that would suck. I mean, there is a reason that Marvin Gaye never had a squeak loop in any of his “Get It On” inducing songs.
This doesn’t strictly apply to beds. It’s always smart (and climax savvy) to insure the safety of all involved when partaking in the making of the love. Cars, roller coasters, couches, nightclub bathrooms. Always keep safety first in your mind.
Beds are no exception. I’m sure there is nothing worse than a poorly attached headboard toppling down on to you. Or the bed collapsing from extra jiggy action. Not only is your physical health in danger in these situations, but also your pride. Because who wants to explain to the fireman who rescues you that you are trapped under your headboard because you guys didn’t do a routine safety check before getting on to the Nookie? Yeah. Didn’t think so.
Your bed is vital to your sexual satisfaction. Take the proper steps to ensure its comfort, silence and safety, and when you’re done break that WD-40 out again and celebrate Hump Day style!