I am having the hardest time writing. I even had a Hump Day blog ready to go in my head, and I just couldn’t make it happen.
And honestly the only things I can think about writing are on the topics poop and abortion.
I’m not really in the mood to talk about my abortion views, so poop it is…
I once watched an episode of House where he is doing one of his quick clinic diagnoses. The guy is kinda overweight and dating this gorgeous girl that I vaguely remember House later talking to in a bar, but I digress.
Anyways, the overweight guy is in the clinic for… something. I don’t remember. And House calls him out on ‘cheating’ on his girlfriend because he was eating greasy food (which his girlfriend, I guess, did not want him to do) behind her back and House knew this because either a) the dude’s poop did float, or b) the dude’s poop did not float
I cannot remember. Does greasy food make your poop float? Or does greasy food make your poop sink?
I saw this episode a year or so ago, and it has haunted me.
For a while I thought, “I’m pretty sure floating poop is a bad thing. I’m pretty sure you want it to sink.”
And I would check all the time. All in an attempt to see if the food I was eating was greasy or not.
Days when poop would float I would be very sad and wonder, “What did I eat today to make my poop float?”
And days when it would sink? I’d pat myself on the back for following a strict diet of non-greasy foods. “Way to go, Marie!”, I’d cheer in the bathroom.
Well, a few months ago I wasn’t feeling so hot, and I was doing some self-diagnosing with my good friend WebMD.
In my research I found that I had it backwards! Sinking poop is bad, floating poop is good! (I honestly feel that this epiphany was probably on the same level as Columbus’ crew finding out the world is round… this knowledge seemed able to change the way I looked at everything.)
Now, I want to be happy with floating poop. But I spent a year not being happy with it. This leaves me very confused, and I guess I’m slowly coming to the realization that maybe poop can’t tell you as much about yourself as you want it to.
Maybe, instead of analyzing the poop, I should just, oh I don’t know, pay attention to what I eat.
Blogger’s block by Marie.
And, no, I don’t really analyze my poop.
And even if I did, I surely wouldn’t tell y’all.
Or would I?