Something is growing inside of me

First, can I just say that this blog has magical powers and I’m not even joking. 

Remember how I talked about my cat daughter not being particularly affectionate or bonded to me?  Do you know who spent the entire evening curled up next to me? Letting me scratch her belly?  Yes, you probably guessed correctly.  The Ice Queen herself, our little Omi.  It was a magical evening.

I blog.  I get.  Amazing.

So I’m going to tiptoe out into this topic, see what happens, and then run back to shore.  Ready?  Let’s go.

Do you know what I think when I sit in buildings?  Or when I drive past a fast food franchise?  Or read a book?  Or eat an amazing dessert?

I think, “This started out as an idea.”

The university library was somebody’s dream to see a place where students could go to study or do research.  The library’s structural beauty was in an architect’s head before it turned into a set of blueprints.  Someone bought the fast food franchise because she thought it would make a lot of money on that corner.  The Twilight series started off as a dream that Stephenie Meyer kept on having.  I don’t know who made cheesecake, but they thought about it before they created it.

I look around and I can’t help but see that the world is simply a bunch of dreams (or nightmares) that came true.

This encourages my heart because I have dreams and thoughts that I can’t wait to see become reality. 

One of those dreams is having a private practice that serves premarital couples.  In my head I see a little office that kinda feels like a cozy coffee shop.  I see couples breaking the cycle of aggression, bad communication, and stonewalling that often runs in American families.  I see websites and letterhead.  I imagine leading workshops that are fun, engaging, and organized.

None of it is real, though.  At least not yet.

In a way, I feel like I’m pregnant.  Pregnant with this idea of running my own business.  And like every pregnant woman I’ve ever known I’m anxiously saying, “I cannot wait to meet this thing inside me.  I can’t wait to get to know it, to love it, to help it grow.”

But I’m also scared to “share the news” because of all the “what if’s” that plague my mind.  What if this fails?  What if I suck at this?  What if everyone laughs at me?

Right when I started to feel like I was drowning in the “what if’s”, and waking up every morning thinking, “Marie, you are an idiot for even thinking this was possible” I got a phone call. 

Someone found me on Ashley’s Bride Guide.  They were interested in premarital counseling.  In me being their premarital counselor.  Real people wanted me to be their counselor.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for days.  I don’t know what it is like to see the first sonogram picture of your child, but I have a feeling this experience may be similar.  To know that something you’ve been dreaming about, been hoping and praying for, to have evidence that it is real now.  Or atleast becoming real.  Wow.  It’s amazing.

The idea isn’t a reality yet, but it is getting a little bit closer every day.

3 thoughts on “Something is growing inside of me

  1. Susan says:

    You’ll get there. I KNOW IT!

  2. mckinneyoatescereal says:

    Thank you, Susan!

  3. Rebekah says:

    Marie, my friend Kathy told me about your blog and it IS entertaining!! I love it!! By the way, let me know if you want a partner in your “baby”. Sounds good to me!! I’m going to keep reading your blog!

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