I run my tongue over my teeth a lot. It’s one of my favorite ‘pastimes’. I honestly find so much vain joy in reminding myself that I have very straight teeth. And I have never had braces. That’s right, People. My teeth came in completely straight all on their own. I know I didn’t ‘accomplish’ anything, but I have considered including this on my resume, “Straight teeth. No braces.”
Last night Mark and I were watching tv and I was fondling my teeth with my tongue thinking how very lucky I am to have naturally straight teeth when it hit me…
“Mark! I figured it out!”
“Figured what out?”
“Why I don’t have a great pair of boobs!”
This is where the conversation gets tricky. If Mark says ‘why’ then he is in trouble for essentially agreeing that I don’t have a great pair of boobs. If he says my boobs are great then he is in trouble for lying. What will he do?
He opts to simply stare at me like I’ve lost my mind. Smart move, sir, smart move.
“Think about it,” I begin to explain, “I love my teeth. I can spend hours admiring them, thinking about how awesome they are, running my tongue over them… and they are just teeth. No one gets all hot and bothered about teeth! Could you honestly imagine if I had a great pair of boobs?”
More confused staring.
“I’m just saying that I’ve always wondered why God didn’t give me amazing boobs, and now I know. God knew that my vanity would keep me completely obsessed with them and their amazingness. He didn’t want me to waste my days standing in front of the mirror mesmerized by boob perfection, so He gave me great teeth instead. God really does work all things out for His good.”
When I got done explaining my epiphany I looked to Mark for his reaction. He was ignoring me, preferring to watch a detergent commercial rather than listen to me wax theological on the topic of breasts.
I’m just glad I can scratch that off my list of questions to ask God…
Why don’t I have a great pair of boobs?
Where are all the missing socks?
How do You explain Paris Hilton’s success?