This is what I really wanted to write about yesterday, but could not get the recession off my mind. Please enjoy.
When the whole OJ Simpson case was going down there was lots of talk about all the evidence that pointed to him being the murderer. Blood on the seat of a car, the glove, and The Sock.
Does anyone else remember The Sock? I was, like, 10 when all this happened, and I’m more than willing to believe that I’ve made this up, but I swear on chocolate chip cookies that there was a sock found with Nicole’s blood on it.
This is where my memory gets funky because I also remember OJ claiming that the reason Nicole’s blood was on his sock was because she unexpectedly started her period and couldn’t find a pad or tampon… and used. his .sock.
Am I making this up? It’s so crazy that I really think I am, but I thought I’d ask.
Anyways, I’m 10 when I hear this. Two years away from experiencing the joys of menstruation for myself. As others balked at the idea of using a sock for such purposes I thought, “Why not? Beggars can’t be choosers, right?” Socks moonlighting as Kotex made perfect sense to 10 year old Marie.
Well, last week as I myself was surfing the crimson tide this memory comes to mind as I am folding laundry. I held up a sock and thought, “What idiot would think that a woman would ever use a sock while on her period?”
An idiot who had never had a period, that’s who! An idiot like OJ Simposon. An idiot like 10 year old Marie!
I chuckled to myself as I realized how much men really don’t understand a woman’s menstrual cycle when Mark interrupted my thoughts.
“What’s on your shirt?” he asked, pointing at a bit of dried spaghetti sauce from dinner.
I didn’t think there was any question that it was spaghetti sauce. I wouldn’t be surprised, considering my ability to eat spaghetti, if I wasn’t covered in the stuff.
Well, given where my thoughts already were (menstruation) and my propensity for comedic flair, I nonchalantly replied,
“Oh, I’m on my period… just wiped it off on my shirt I guess. Oops!”
Seriously thought he was going to get that I was joking. Notsomuch.
“Ewwww! That is disgusting!”
He’s right. It would be. IF IT WERE TRUE!
“I can’t believe… ewww! Marie! Eww! Who does that? Oh my gosh!”
You’re right, Mark. NO ONE DOES THAT! And no one includes your wife! What kind of filthy pig do you think I am? Wait. Better not answer that. Don’t want you sleeping on the couch tonight.
Then he started gagging. Joke was going to have to end.
“Chill out, home dawg. I was kidding.”
Because men really don’t understand the mystery that is Woman.
I hope this post helps you all better appreciate my financial discourse.