A few weeks ago a conversation of sorts took place on my Facebook page…
Not one, not two, but three women have been denied the tender caress and loving warmth of a Snuggie by a man. This is wrong. So very wrong.
Ladies, please recognize that his distaste for the reincarnated bathrobe is his problem, not yours. You are valuable and worthy of the love a Snuggie so generously provides. Do not let him convince you otherwise.
Go ahead and say it out loud: I deserve the Snuggie.
Now that we have that settled, let’s move on to a bigger question… why all the Snuggie hating? I mean, even really cool pastors who preach love and kindness hate the Snuggie. Really? You’re going to look at this…
And tell me Jesus wouldn’t have dug the Snuggie? Please.
Men do not hate the Snuggie. No, men fear the Snuggie. Big difference. Men fear being replaced by the Snuggie. Men fear that the Snuggie will kill all the Sexy. Most of all, men fear being… cold.
Fear is nurtured by ignorance. Let’s give these men some Snuggie information that will have them tripping over themselves to be the ones to help you into your Snuggie…
Replaced by a Snuggie
Men get insecure over really silly things. When you and your Snuggie begin to curl up together your man will, naturally, become very jealous. Does she love the Snuggie more? Will she still need me? Did I just hear her moan?
When you get your Snuggie, remember his fragile ego. Remind your man that this silly piece of felt couldn’t really replace him, and do your best to keep a straight face.
Sexify the Snuggie
The first time you see a Snuggie words like “frumpy”, “old”, and “monk” immediately come to mind. Not exactly words anyone wants to hear in the bedroom. Like I’ve said over and over, men are visualand I’m sure my Snuggie campaign seems to fly in the face of my rhetoric.
Listen, I’m not asking you to ignore his visual needs. I’m asking you to get creative. Play “Guess What’s Under the Snuggie” and make sure the answer is always “Nothing!” (because “A turtleneck and sweatpants!” totally misses the point). Or what about the standard guy fantasy of being chased around by a frumpy old monk? The Snuggie was practically made for making this fantasy his reality!
Keeps everyone warm
Sexual activity goes up in the winter because there really isn’t anything else to do. But it’s cold. And cold sex is decent, but not awesome. Sure, you can try to stay under the covers, but all the bumping and grinding means that covers are on the floor within 5 minutes. What if you got your Snuggie? And he got his Snuggie? And you wore them “backwards” (rightwards if they were robes)?
The Snuggie your man despised has now become his very own Cocoon of Love. I’m brilliant. I know.
Don’t let your man’s fears keep you from getting Snuggie with it on this blisteringly cold Hump Day.