I know it’s time for a Hump Day post. And I tried to tie it in. But it wasn’t worth it because a) it’s late and b) no one really likes Hump Day posts but me. So I gave up.
Here is the deal: there is a bill about to be passed here in Tennessee about people not showing their butt cracks by way of sagging. It’s called the “No Crack Bill”. I thought that when Shelly emailed me about it she had given it her own silly name in order to ridicule it. But I was wrong. Someone named it that fo’ realz.
Shelly has written to the representatives, and what follows is my email to our representatives. Honestly, I could care less with whether you agree/disagree with me on this issue. What I do care about is that you talk to your reps about the stuff that matters to you.
I found out from a dear friend that there was talk of making it a CRIMINAL OFFENSE to wear pants below the waistline. A criminal offense. Really?
Who, in their right mind, sat down and thought “Yes! Let’s outlaw a WAY TO WEAR PANTS! Brilliant.” Because I would like to say to that person, “Not brilliant, Dude. Not brilliant at all. Actually? Really, really stupid.”
My husband is a smart guy and I adore him. We don’t agree on much, but I was 99% positive we would agree on this particular topic. Because he hates when you (the government) take money out of his paycheck for taxes to do stupid stuff like educate our children. Or provide health care for old people. So I was pretty sure that he was going to hate it when you told him he couldn’t wear his pants in a way that showed his underwear.
When I told him about this asinine bill do you know what he said? He said, “Good. People shouldn’t show their underwear in public.”
Um, I’m sorry… what?!? The Government shouldn’t tell you how to spend your money, but it’s ok for them to tell you how to WEAR YOUR PANTS? A-freaking-mazing.
The thing is, my husband wears his pants in a law abiding fashion already. So this bill would not mean anything to him except that he wouldn’t see any big pants wearing criminals because they would ALL BE IN JAIL. (Ok, that’s not true. According to the bill they would just be broke due to fines, please excuse my exaggeration.) To get my point across I had to make the topic hit him where it hurts.
“What if they decided to outlaw men having long hair?” I asked.
See my husband loves his long hair. And so do I. It makes his head seem bigger and more in proportion to the rest of him. But that’s neither here nor there.
“Outlaw long hair? That’s crazy talk,” scoffed my husband.
And it IS crazy talk. It is crazy to think that it is a good idea to legislate something like personal fashion choices. Where will we stop? When Tennessee becomes the first state with a dress code? Because when countries in the middle east did this to their women, ordering them to dress a certain way, America started bombing them and saying they had to become a democratic nation. Representatives, please don’t give America a reason to bomb us.
I want a real answer to this email. I don’t want a stupid auto-reply. And I want you to know that you’re dealing with a new generation of voters. And we care. And we talk. A lot. And I’m blogging about this. And Twittering about this. And hopefully a conversation will be started about not just this, but all the stupid/brilliant things that you guys come up with. AND if we don’t like what you’re doing or the direction our state is going in YOU WILL GET FIRED. Because Dave Ramsey says we have that power. And I trust Dave.
Thanks for your SERVICE to our state.
The following is a list of representatives that Shelly and I emailed. Join us if you’d like.
email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
Update: I’m TOTALLY freaking out right now because I’m re-reading the email/blog and realized I used the word ‘bomb’ twice. I’m so going to jail.