Mark: Whatcha doin’?
Marie: Blogging about that time your balls were hurting.
Mark: Yeah. I’m gonna have to read that one first…
I was completely aware that getting married meant I would be taking on many new responsibilities. Like, I would have to order two value meals instead of just one cook and be in charge of the war on junk mail. I was ready and excited for this challenge.
At the same time, there were lots of responsibilities that I had no clue I would be taking on. I didn’t know I’d have to buy the man underwear while on a routine trip to Target (“Buy you underwear? But I don’t know boy underwear!”). I didn’t know it would be my responsibility to stay on top of our milk inventory especially since I DON’T DRINK MILK. And I had no clue that I would have to make his doctor’s appointments.
That’s right. Making doctor’s appointments is apparently a wife duty. To be fair, Mark did not ask me to make him a doctor’s appointment. But two things sent me the subtle message that it was indeed my responsibility. First, he kept complaining but wouldn’t do anything about it. Second, the ladies I work with are always calling doctors and making appointments for their husbands, why should I think myself better than them? So I called the doctor.
I am a very awkward person. Especially in real life. Because of this I do lots of “practicing” before making phone calls as a way of reducing said awkwardness. Unfortunately, in my eagerness to be a “good wife” I did not practice my first “make an appointment for my husband” phone call…
Dr.’s Office: Good morning, Dr’s Office, how may I direct your call?
Marie: Hello, yes, I would like to schedule an appointment. But not for me. It’s for someone else. But not, like, a stranger. I need to make an appointment for my husband. But I don’t know his social security number. Is that going to be a problem?
As you can probably tell I really should have practiced this phone call first. I thought about just hanging up and trying again, but something deep inside assured me that this phone call would get better.
Dr.’s Office: Who are you making an appointment for?
Marie: My husband. Can I do that?
Dr.’s Office: Yes, yes of course…
She took his name and we figured out a time that would work. Everything was back on track. And then…
Dr.’s Office: Now, what does your husband need to see the doctor for?
I don’t know why I wasn’t prepared for this question, but I wasn’t. My unpreparedness, however, did not stop me from answering.
Interview Tip: Don’t be afraid to think about your answers. – Sydney Owen (the interview tip is included for the sole purpose of trying to get on the front page of Brazen. Because that would be freakin’ hilarious.)
I wish I had known about this advice while on the phone with the Dr.’s office. I really do. If I had that advice in my pocket, I’m pretty sure I would have not said this…
Marie: What’s wrong with him? Um, how do I say this? His balls are hurting?
Something told me that “balls” was not a medical term.
Marie: Um, I mean, his testicles are the problem. They’re hurting. Or something. I don’t really know. I don’t have any. So, um, I’m really not sure what is wrong with his balls, I mean testicles. But he wants to talk to the doctor about them.
Dr.’s Office: … Okaaay… well, we’ll see your husband next week.
I called Mark to tell him about the appointment. And to just ignore it when the doctor’s receptionists look at him funny.