Dreams of My Mother

Growing up my mom was kind of obsessed with the idea of me one day becoming a beauty queen. Unfortunately, there were many problems with this dream.

First, she never signed me up for any pageants. No pageants, no crown.

Second, I was (and still am) painfully shy. Like, people-always-asked-me-if-I-even-knew-how-to-speak-English shy.

Third, the only “beauty queen” quality I have is a set of straight teeth.  And straight teeth do not win beauty pageants.  Unless by “straight teeth” you mean boobs and a perky butt.

Fourth, and probably most important, no one could agree on which country I would represent at the Miss Universe pageant, the Philippines or the USA. Not being able to decide which national route I would take to the crown usually meant the idea would get tabled every year.

But not until I stood on the coffee table.

That’s right. Every year we would watch the Miss USA pageant and at the end, when the winner was crowned, my mom would insist I stand on the coffee table. And wave. Ya know, for practice.

I think my mom’s heart still breaks when she sees a tiara.

So when I did that video blog last week without putting makeup on/doing my hair/taking a shower, I had a feeling she was gonna be… pissed.

Me: Did you watch my video blog?

Mom: Silence

Me: Hello? Did you watch my video blog?

Mom: Of course I watched it!

Me: And?

Mom: It was good… I guess…

Me: You’re mad. Mad because I didn’t put on make up.

Mom: Or do your hair! Did you even take a shower?!

Me: Mom, it doesn’t matter. It’s video blogging. No one even watches this stuff. Chill out.

Mom:  Marie, it was on THE INTERNET.  Everyone watches THE INTERNET.  What if… what if a beauty pageant judge watched it?  They’d NEVER choose you.

Me:  Mom, I don’t do pageants.

Mom:  That’s not the point, Marie.  The point is YOU SHOULD TAKE SHOWERS!

Yes, I guess that is the point.  So from now on I will take a shower.  Do my hair.  Put makeup on. 

And wear a tiara.

Hi, I'm your new mommy!

I bet Gary Vaynerchuck’s mom doesn’t yell at him for not taking showers…

8 thoughts on “Dreams of My Mother

  1. Erica says:

    Please tell mom that I am a super judgmental person and an excellent arbiter of beauty. I have reviewed your video and given you high marks on dentition, natural beauty, curiousity and confidence.

    If I had a tiara, I would totally give you one. Then judge you for caring about tiaras. Then steal it from you and wear it around the house. 🙂

    I got high marks on dentition! That’s so cool. Especially after I looked up what it meant. I am so telling my mom you said I didn’t have to take showers.

    And I’ve (obviously) already read all these comments and Dorie’s wearing her tiara for her vlog, and I think we ALL care about tiaras. Because we’re girls. And I think we should have a week where all of us vlog with tiaras on. Because THAT, my friends, would be freaking awesome.

  2. Hilarious. I have three daughters, you know. I’m taking notes.

    Taking notes from my mother will make for interesting parenting. Trust me. And for my new blogging tiara project, we’re going to need a pic/video of you and your girls in tiaras. 😀

    I’m on a mission to crown the entire blogging community…

  3. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    LOL!!! That sounds like a conversation that I would have with my mom. Except our conversation would include me being bad because I forgot to put on a necklace that day. My mom really thinks that I need to wear a necklace at all times. It’s lady like and proper? I don’t know…all I know is that I need to wear one to earn my mom’s approval. ha

    Ha! Moms are never satisfied, are they? If it’s not taking showers, it’s not wearing necklaces. Sheesh 😀

    Do you own a tiara? Will you need to borrow mine for my bloggers in tiaras project? 🙂

  4. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    PS. You look really pretty wearing your tiara and waving.

    PSS. Where’s your wedding ring??? You know that all the “people watching THE INTERNET” are so going to get the wrong idea about you. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

    HA! Love it. Actually, I took this on my mac and it flips the pic around so that’s actually my right hand. I guess it’s like a mirror image. Took me forever to figure this out.

  5. Dorie Morgan says:

    Now I want to do my vlog wearing a tiara! If I wear a tiara, will you do it too?

    (Mainly because I have a $200 tiara sitting on my dresser from my wedding.)

    Oh, I will wear a tiara, and I’m hoping everyone else will too! And a $200 tiara!?! WOW. I think you should wear it every day. Ya know, just cuz 😀

    Yes, Dorie and I will be vlogging in tiaras. Please join us in crowning the blogosphere, where everyone is a princess.

  6. Connie says:

    Hay Marie, pleasing Mom is not so bad a thing to do once in a while. As for taking time to look good you know my mantra, do it once and forget it, face, hair, clothing and I’m done for the day. My Mom would have heart failure but then it is hard to please your Mom all the time, so I just gave up.
    I love the “Tiara project” You go Girl.

    Hi, Mom/Donkey (I can’t believe I just called my mother in law “Donkey” – I’m so bad), I hear ya on the do it once and forget. I think my mom just thinks I need to raise my standards for the “do it once”. And you like the Tiara Project? Wonderful. Just email me a pic of you in a tiara 😀 And don’t say you don’t have a tiara because I know you’re crafty and could make one out of cheese if you wanted to.

    EVERYONE is invited to participate in the Tiara Project.

  7. Sam says:

    This is such a cute conversation. I guess she’s just showing you how much she cares, in one of those weird Mom ways. I think the fact that you posted a video blog without caring that you weren’t wearing makeup shows that you have some pageant queen worthy qualities. It could also mean that you’re just a great, non-pageant queen, person. We’ll go with that 🙂 Loved this post!

    Aw thanks! Ha, and I wish it was that I “didn’t care” I just didn’t truly realize what I had done until I watched it after it was posted… “Holy crap! I look like CRAP!” And then it seemed vain and pointless to take it down 🙂

  8. […] 4, 2009 in Funny to me Well, strike two on remembering to “look pretty” before video blogging.  Aye.  The only reason I’m even toeing the line on this is because my mom is in another […]

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