There better be Big Mac at the top of this rock

Mark and I have spent our entire relationship trying to find something we have in common.

He tried watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey with me, but had to stop when his eyes started bleeding.

I tried scuba diving.  No dice.

He wants to get into my blogging, but insists my posts are too long.  I guess they are.  If you decide to only check them ONCE A MONTH.

And I would love to get into his music more except that any time I listen to one of his songs I either a) get a lesson on how to put chords together which puts me to sleep or b) I half listen and half wonder, “Who did he write this song for?”  Neither are ingredients for an enjoyable evening.

I was pretty sure we were just going to call it a truce and return separately to our own little corners of the world.

But Mark keeps trying.

And this week he tried to get me to go climbing.  Rock climbing.  Like, pull off the side of the road, walk aimlessly into wooded areas WHERE SERIAL KILLERS LIVE, find a rock taller than God and climb.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that Marie and extreme sports aren’t exactly a match made in heaven.  But this man is desperate for us to find something we enjoy together, and I love him.  So I said, yes.  Yes, I will climb up a tall, scary, jagged, TALL rock because I love you.  But you might want to tell me there’s a Big Mac waiting for me at the top.  You know, for motivation and all.

I went.  I got fitted for shoes and a harness.  I was ready to go.  I was ready to climb.

Except, for one thing.  I’m terrified of heights.  Terrified.

Confession:  I refused to climb on monkey bars as a child because, God forbid, I fall from such a treacherous height.

I was determined, however, to forget my past and claim a new future.  I was going to be a rock climber.  Even if it was just for a day.

Adam, Mark and I drove down to the ‘Noog (aka Chattanooga, and I’m having the hardest time remembering who calls it that.  Is this a Greg-ism?), pulled over on some small road and started hiking through the woods looking for a rock to claim.  According Adam’s guide book, the rock we were looking for was only 40 feet away.

I can walk 40 feet.  I’m a regular Shredder now.  And I have an amazing heart rate.  I was ready.

The guidebook forgot to mention that those 40 feet were completely vertical.  Straight. up.

“Mark,” I said between wheezes, “is this it?  Is this rock climbing?  Am I rock climbing now?”

“No, this is just the trail to get us to the rock.”

“But, this trail,” wheeze, wheeze, “isn’t flat.  Are you sure this isn’t the rock?”

Wheeze.

With that last wheeze, Mark and I looked at each other knowing that this would not be the activity that would bind us together for eternity.

We finally made it up Mt. Everest the trail where we found ourselves face to face with a rock wall.  The guys started putting their stuff down.

When I first saw the rock I wondered, “Where are the things you grab on to so that you can climb the rock?  Like the peg things at Climb Nashville.”

But this is nature.  And there are no peg things.  There’s just rock.  Rock and prayer.  And that prayer being, “Please, God, let me find something to hold on to”.

Unfortunately, my faith is not that strong.  I would not be a rock climber.  Not today.

“Mark, I’m not going to climb,” I said.  Still wheezing.

I didn’t want to say it.  I wanted us to bond.  To be that cool, fit, rock climbing couple.  Because a couple that climbs together, stays together, right?  I hated that I would be disappointing him.  That his dream of a shared hobby would be crushed.

I’m a horrible dream crushing wife.  Whose feet were staying on earth.

“Are you sure?” Mark asked.

“Yes.  Pleasedon’thateme.”

“Hate you?  No way!  You’re out here!  You’re with me!  That’s really all I need!”

Seriously?  All I have to do is be “around”?  I don’t have to have near death experiences in order to impress you, or earn your love?

Dude, that is so something you should tell me before sending me out into serial killer wilderness to have an asthma attack WITHOUT any Big Macs in sight.

Just sayin’.

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13 thoughts on “There better be Big Mac at the top of this rock

  1. Elisa says:

    Wow, how’s that for an example of opposites attract? It’s great that you are able to find a common ground even when you are on different planes of a mountain. That says a lot to the strength of a relationship. No matter what you do during the day, knowing you have each others’ support makes it ok to be apart and still come together after the day is done.


    We have always joked about how different we are. It’s truly amazing that we made it past a first date. It really is.

    I think the whole opposites attract thing can only work if you look at it the way you described, as being completely aware that this other person has your back no matter what.

  2. Susan says:

    You need a “like” button. Anyways, Susan West likes this.


    Ha, that would be a cool feature. Thanks!

  3. LOL your posts consistently make me laugh and make me appreciate my marriage for it’s quirks that run in the same vein as yours. My hub is a musician and I TOTALLY get the whole “who did he write *this* song for?” and guitar lessons thing. I WANT to be THAT girl but I’m just not. I can’t hold a beat (or an on-key note) to save my life… but I might try if there are chicken mcnuggets as incentive… sweet & sour sauce is a must.

    We joke sometimes about how we suck at everything else BUT loving eachother and that’s why we’re still together, which I believe is true. At the end of the day, even days when we aren’t getting along or when our arrows just aren’t pointing in the same direction, deep down it’s love that binds us and forms the marriage bond all married couple seek. It’s simple sounding when I re-read that sentance. I guess it really IS that simple though – love eachother and all else will fall in line.

    Thanks for the Monday morning goodness! 🙂

    -Desiree Kane


    Desiree, I agree about it really being as simple as just loving one another. Not that that in and of itself can’t be very hard at times, but it’s pretty much the core of it all.

    And mcnuggets with sweet and sour sauce is my crack. We’re twins 😀

  4. Chelsea says:

    It’s the thought that counts, right?! I’m impressed that you even went. I feel like I did my part to be a good wife this weekend too. I actually got in the water at the beach… I thought my husband was going to faint!


    Ha, it’s amazing what we’ll do for someone we love, huh?

  5. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    I’m so proud of you trying! You are a good wife!! Thomas wants/wanted me to love hunting just as much as he does. (I don’t like hunting at all. Killing poor little animals just makes me cry.)

    So early in our relationship, he decided to buy a “2 man stand”. It’s like this ladder with a bench at the top of it and attached to a tree somehow. I agreed to go since he just spend a ridiculous amount of money of that thing. We then went to walmart so that we could buy me some camo to wear. (It’s so not the cute camo that you find in the girl’s/women’s section.) He washed it in this sticky stuff and then wanted to spray deer urine on me. I refused. He happily sprayed it on himself. (Apparently that’s attractive to deer. I don’t get it.) He also wouldn’t let me take a shower that morning. Something about the deer can smell you or something.

    Then we had to get up way before the sun and hike out into the “serial killer” woods to find that 2 man stand. Unfortantly we found it. I climbed up first and sat down. He brought a gun and set it up. I was like “what’s that for?” He said it was “incase we saw something.” I was thinking ohh, no!!! Run away little deer!!!

    Well, it’s really boring just sitting up there staring at nothing but trees. So I started talking. (Deer don’t like talking.) Thomas kept trying to tell me to be quite, politely. So then I tried to be quite and started moving around to get comfy. (It was cold and I was sleepy.) Deer don’t like stuff moving around either, I quickly learned.

    After a while we actually saw some deer. They were very pretty. Thomas wanted to shoot them but I wouldn’t let him. We also saw a fox, squirrels, and bunnies. (I didn’t let Thomas shoot any of them!) Needless to say, that was my first and last time to go hunting. 🙂

    —-
    You crack me up!!!! You went on a hunting trip and didn’t let him kill anything 😀 I adore you and would have done the SAME thing. I wish you guys had video of that trip, I bet it was hilarious.

    • Linda says:

      Secret Agent “CT” You are so funny. That was a great story it made me laugh so hard….


      She is great, isn’t she? 🙂

  6. Monica says:

    You are my hero for trying to rock climb.

    I’m glad Mark realizes how awesome you are for giving it a go (and not complaining too much 🙂 )


    Oh, how I wish I had actually done it. I just read your blog post and I’m like I want to conquer an activity!

  7. bhline says:

    🙂 Maybe your thing that you guys do together is just that …try different things together. I think it’s wonderful that you don’t say no, instead just throw yourself into it.

    that’s love!


    You’re very right about new things possibly becoming our “thing” 😀 It’s definitely its own kind of fun and adventure.

  8. coconutstudio says:

    That was funny. I guess that not having a hobby / interest that both of you can share may not be important as much as having respect and appreciation for each other… I’d say keep trying. Have you tried salsa dancing?


    Thanks, and not having a shared hobby has definitely forced us to have a greater appreciation for each other’s differences. And we have not tried salsa dancing, but that’s definitely a good idea. Mark was into swing dancing a few years ago, and I’d love to learn… thanks for the suggestion!

  9. Treena says:

    See you’re husband is understanding when you don’t want to do something you don’t want to do. My husband got mad at me when I told him I didn’t want to go down a 90 feet free falling waterslide, so I did it. I guess my husband doesn’t care if I die unlike yours:-)


    I saw where your facebook status said that and your husband “liked it”. So my husband is better because he was ok with me not doing it, but you’re a MUCH better wife because you didn’t just climb to the top of the slide and cry. You win 😀

  10. Veda says:

    Treena is a dork!

    Cool!!! Rock climbing!
    You shouldn’t give up on it yet!! With Mark’s guidance and support you could try a smaller not-so-scary rock OR the fake stuff at Climb Nashville. Eventually, as you gain more confidence and strength, you may be able to work your way up to Mark’s level. Or not. Either way you get to spend hours together getting fit and enjoying the outdoors. It’s win-win. I am soo jealous!! 😛


    Well, when Mark asked me about going I am not going to lie, I thought “We could be all cool and adventurous like Veda and Michael!” And I told him that it definitely looked like fun, and that I’d want to try Climb Nashville and work my way up to outdoor. I’ll call you the next time we go, I think you’d love it.

  11. Connie says:

    Oh Marie you bring back so many memories. Like when we went snorkeling with friends and I HATE salt water in my face but Gary loves the water, so I went….. We all got our stu ff on and the guy’s kept at us to come with them to the deep water, PLEASE NO!!!!. So my friend and I stood kneed deep in the water bent over at the waist and put our masked faces in the water. We walked around just looking at our feet and the sand, bet we looked real funny from the beach two butts stuck up in the air!!! It took me almost all day to get used to the sound of the sea and to trust when a wave came I was not going to get salt water in my mouth. I did find I loved it but not like Gary who will scuba dive, now girl this is to much like wiggling into a rubber girdle but over your whole body just to keep out the cold. OK cold sea water, wet suit girdle, this is my line better to sit in the warm sand and watch him have his fun. At least we were together and that is what mattered to us both, we are as different as night and day in almost everything. That is one thing I have come to love about Gary he is different and he loves me and my different way’s!!!!


    I love your stories and the idea of two butts in the air “snorkeling” is hilarious! I’m finding that simply being together and building these memories, regardless of “participation”, is so important. I’m glad to hear a long-lasting couple like you guys made it despite the differences… it gives us hope!

  12. […] out of planes/climbing rocks without my hands getting totally clammy. That’s why even thinking I’d climb a rock was hilarious from the […]

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