I want a girl with a great personality

So I was out about in Twitter-land basically clicking any link anyone tweeted.  It was one of those days. 

In my clicking I ended up at Matt’s blog Life Without Pants (where he does an amazing job of interacting with EVERYONE.  So amazing, in fact, that I get tired just from watching him.  Lots of energy, that guy).  I read through a great post about relationship marketing, and then started perusing the comments and read this comment…

You sort of touched on this, but I wanted to expand on it….keeping with your metaphor: unless you’re wicked good looking, most lady-folk are going to have no reason to care about you until you actively court their interest. This is exactly the same for customers. Unless you just reinvented the wheel, customers aren’t going to have any reason to give you the light of day. You have to be the one who initiates that relationship and then continues to cultivate that relationship with superior customer service and an experience they’ll want to call their girlfriends and tell them about.

So, give the girl/customer a reason to like you, give them a reason to keep on liking you, and eventually they’ll develop loyalty that is so valuable in a (business) relationship.

I agree with everything Jackie (the commenter) says, but I think the part I bolded is funny.  And a mini-lesson on how so many relationships get unintentionally screwed up.

Jackie assumes that unless a guy is “wicked good looking” a girl isn’t going to pay attention to him.  Maybe I’m completely off-base with this, but I’ve never had a hard time ignoring a “wicked good looking” guy.  Ever.  Don’t get me wrong, good looks are great, but that’s not what grabs my attention.  Attention grabbers, for me, are the funny, laid back guys with the easy smiles.  Or the smart guy who can explain how telephones WITH cords work.  Or the guy that is sweet enough to thank the barista by her name when he orders his coffee.

Basically, I’m not paying attention to a guy at all because I’m married and I’m not even allowed to look and goodness that sucks but not really because I love Mark until I am attracted to his personality.  If this amazing personality happens to be attached to Gerard Butler, so be it.

Guys are different.  Guys want pretty.  Guys want hot.  In my opinion, definitions of “pretty” and “hot” vary from man to man, but the point is guys are stimulated with their eyes.  Funny, sweet, and smart are definite bonuses, but being physically attracted is probably a deal breaker for most guys.

My thing is this – I wonder if Jackie (a dude) assumed girls needed “wicked good looking” because he needs “wicked good looking”.  Or even just “good looking”.

And how often this assumption plays out in relationships.  I assume that Mark needs a hug after a bad day because I need hugs after bad days.  Or him thinking that getting me something practical for my birthday is pure genius because he wants practical items for his birthday.

Jackie is right when he says that giving a girl/customer a reason to like you is going to develop a relationship.  Just make sure you’re giving them their reason to like you, not your reason to like you.

That is all.

8 thoughts on “I want a girl with a great personality

  1. Deline says:

    Interesting regarding relationships that all of us in one way or another are involved. Good relationship keeps us going, but bad relationship keeps our eyes open in the next relationship.

    We all need support one way or another and life issues are the core issue that all of us would like to address. Visit my blog post on issues of life. http://www.issuesoflife.wordpress.com

    Um, yes.

  2. jamievaron says:

    the point is guys are stimulated with their eyes.

    I see this said a lot and I wonder if this is actually something natural with men or something they’ve been taught to value. Which came first? The oversexualization of women that makes men care about physical appearance so much or the filling of a need that men care about physical appearance so much that the media is giving them what they want.

    I still wonder about this.

    Because what happens when we start assuming it’s natural for men to love with their eyes is a media bent on appealing to this and tons of girls and women suffering from eating disorders, sex too early, teen pregnancy, and tons of other negative reactions.

    Not to bring the topic to serious, because I really liked this blog post, but I question these things myself… and don’t quite have the answers yet. =)

    Here is my theory, and I’m going to warn all my Christian friends that this theory includes the word “evolution” so please brace yourself…

    I think evolution selected what traits both genders looked for in the beginning. I think way back in cave man times men picked women who would be able to have and nurture children. I think that cave men used MANY physical cues to decide who these women were. Cave men wanted “birthing hips”, large breasts were probably a sign of the ability to feed the child, the way a woman smelled let him know where she was on her cycle, the lack of acne was a sign of health and an indicator that she would probably live long enough to raise the child to adulthood.

    Cave women were going to be caring for a kid so they looked for someone to be a provider. No one wanted to do it with the cave DUD (heh) that couldn’t bring home any meat because then them and their baby would starve to death. No, a cave woman picked a provider who would keep her safe and fed.

    Well, we’ve obviously EVOLVED (I’m going to hell) and these are not the determining factors any more for why we build relationships with certain people any more. The modern man and woman is not just looking to procreate and keep their DNA alive. Modern man and woman are looking for relationship, companionship, community, etc. So the caveman way of deciding on a good mate is not a good way anymore (because we want different things than we wanted before).

    I don’t think it’s bad, though, if men are attracted primarily by what they see. I think what’s bad, and you hit on it, is that the media has completely warped our idea of beauty. They tell us being super skinny with big boobs is ideal when it’s a body type that, for the most part, doesn’t even happen in nature. THe media however bombards our brain with these images that make us believe it’s reality (I see it all the time, so it must be true) which changes what men consider beautiful and what standard women hold themselves to.

    I think a great way to figure out what we find beautiful would be to go on a “media fast” for, like, 6 months and then look around again and see what we consider beautiful after not having images of Kendra (who I ADORE) in our head.

    Thanks for the comment, Jamie!! 😀

  3. Chelsea says:

    In reference to the paragraph that starts “And how often this assumption plays out in relationships…” This very much reminds me of the book Five Love Languages. I do things for my husband because I feel most loved when he does things for me – I’m Acts of Service. He is not, so when I do things for him, he doesn’t feel loved the way I intend. He is physical touch. So he picks on me, hugs me, sits really close to me, etc. to show he loves me. But that’s not how I need to feel loved.

    These are tough things to learn!

    Sorry, that’s not totally related to your post. It just came to mind so I’m throwing it out there!

    Chelsea, oh but it is EXACTLY what I was talking about, just with attraction rather than specifically love. I love the concepts in that book, and it’s so hard to remember that this person doesn’t love the way I do, and that what I need/want isn’t what he needs/wants. Thanks for throwing it out there! (And I’m always glad to hear that others struggle to love someone with a different love language, too)

  4. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    Yeah…my mom got a weedeater for her birthday one year from my dad. He has also given her an iron for Christmas. She has tons of gifts like these over the years from my “thoughtful” dad. LOL

    A weedeater? That’s priceless. My mom got a blender or something one year and started pouting until she found out that there were earrings hidden in the box. My dad is sneaky/tricky 😀

  5. Connie says:

    I have often wondered what attracts us to one another, men are such a puzzle, just when you think you understand them something changes.
    I can really relate with the gift thing, I have received so many gifts, things he always wanted and knew I would love.
    As for relationship making, I think that friends are like good wine they take time to cultivate.

    It is confusing to figure out what makes us want to be with another person. And I think you’re “good wine” analogy is perfect!

  6. Veda says:

    Ooh, I get to talk about Michael!

    About a year ago, I took interest in a guy walking past me ONLY because he was “wicked good looking”. We were introduced and have been dating ever since!! Sure I love because he makes me laugh and is very caring. But every once in a while, he looks super yummy and I think to myself “Hot Diggity!! he is really really REALLY hot! AND he loves me?! “. It’s a pretty darn good feeling! He’s like my Edward Cullen, but without the whole vampire issue. 😛

    So yeah, I think both men and women are drawn to “wicked good-looking” people (both romantically and platonically). However, I do agree that men place more importance on physical appearance than women in their decision to develop a romantic relationship. But I’ll give modern man some credit…He does need a little more than a pretty face and hot body to stay interested. Yall have heard of the crazy-hot line right?! haha!

    Thanks for bring up the topic of attraction. It’s one of my favorites subjects to discuss.

    First, have you read Twilight? I wish you had made it to the slumber party! And I agree, it definitely plays a part, no one wants to be with someone they aren’t attracted to. I have NOT heard about the crazy-hot line… please tell me more about this!

    And Michael is hot AND (more importantly, in my opinion) super nice/funny/smart. Good job, girl. When’s the wedding?

    Just kidding.

    Unless, of course, you have something to tell us… 😀

  7. Jackie Adkins says:

    Wow, I stumbled across this and couldn’t believe you made a whole post on my comment, haha. It’s funny because I think I’m actually on your side on this issue. Allow me to clarify what I meant in the comment…

    The thought process I was going through was that if a woman is out in a public place with guys all around her, she is *more* likely to pay extra attention to someone who is attractive (maybe I’m wrong here). Basically, when you have nothing to compare in terms of personality and other intangible characteristics, you resort to physical characteristics.

    Similarly, with a product, if you know no details about a product or company, you’re going to make your purchasing decision based on the “cool” factor or the flashiness of the product. You can get past this by either you seek more information on the product (or in a relationship, you initiate a conversation and see what the other person is all about on the “inside”) or the company must try and form a relationship by communicating its benefits (or the guy must express his interest in you and tell you why he’s worth your time in a dating relationship).

    Hopefully this may clarify my thought process, but I’m glad I got a good discussion going over here 🙂

    Jackie, thanks for stopping by! I totally agree with you, and you’re right that all things being unknown we do use looks to judge people. I will say that I use looks to judge people, but less on how “attractive” they are and more on whether they look confident/funny/sweet. I typically rule out guys that are REALLY attractive because I assume that they’re using their looks to compensate for a lack of personality. This isn’t fair of me because I’m definitely judging a book by its cover. You’re right, though, looks are the first test of attraction. At least in my opinion.

  8. WOW! You have again proven that you are wicked funny and super smart. This is a very well written post.

    And funny, cool, smart beats good-looking 8 times out of 10.

    I have to remind myself to treat the GF how she wants to be treated rather than how I want to be treated. I find that most of our misunderstandings are based on one of us making an assumption that ultimately has nothing to do with the other person… just our own personal perceptions and issues.

    Amen! There are so many fights that can be avoided if we remembered our reality isn’t everyone’s reality.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: