Bathroom luxury is stupid

Mark: Man, this toilet paper is awesome!

Me: You like it? I don’t like it.

Mark: Really? It’s way better than that recycled stuff we were using before.

Me: This new toilet paper is too… nice.

Mark: And that’s a problem because…

Me: Because you shouldn’t think “Wow, this is really nice stuff” while you’re wiping. You should think “Man, this stuff sucks. I can’t wait to flush it down the toilet”.

Mark: You are so weird.

But seriously. Why would you want to like your toilet paper when it’s just going to down the toilet? Why get attached? I mean, first you’re admiring its awesomeness and then you’re doing the most degrading thing you can do to any object. It’s just wrong on so many levels.

*I will be starting a toilet paper company soon where our tagline will be, “So terrible I can’t wait to flush!”  Be on the lookout, Alice.

7 thoughts on “Bathroom luxury is stupid

  1. OMG hahahaha I needed a laugh this afternoon and hahahaha oh, gosh. This post is amazing. Thank you Marie, thank you.

    Ha, you are very welcome!

  2. Heather says:

    I love soft luxury toilet paper. It’s more about me than the toilet paper. I like the sensation of pampering I get for just a few bucks more. Though I can see where it would get weird if you personify the tp.

    That’s what I did, isn’t it? I gave the tp a personality. I love you, my little thinker friend 😀

  3. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    …oh, my…

    That’s exactly what Mark says most times that I talk! 😀

  4. Rebekah says:

    Ba ha ha ha ha ha!!! My husband loves it when I don’t buy recycled tp!! I agree with you!!

    It just seems like such a waste to spend the money to wipe with something that claims to feel like a quilt. Who REALLY wants to wipe with a quilt? Ha!

  5. Not all toilet paper is created equal. TP does make a difference to me. I used to live in Spain. The toilet paper there was just horrible — it was like wiping your butt with crepe paper. Lucky for me, we had the good American stuff at my house. 😎

    Oooo, crepe paper? Now that’s bad even for me 😀 But it might be exactly what I’m going for with my new tp line! Ha.

  6. I forgot to mention — it even looked like crepe paper — wrinkley and brown! Yikes!

  7. Monica Evans says:

    Good toilet paper is awesome! Despite its use, it makes me feel better to use the soft (but tough) stuff.

    Mark agrees with you, but I’m going to stand by my sandpaper stuff 😀

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