Poor Baby Bear

Last night Nashville got some unexpected snow. This unexpected snow was the reason that I got this call on my way home from work…

Me: Hello.

Mom: Where are you? Are you driving? Are you ok?

Me: Yes. I’m driving. And I’m ok. But talking on the phone while driving may change that status…

Mom: Well, when I saw the snow I told your dad I was going to have to call all my babies to make sure they were ok. Where are you?

Me: (Name of road closer to my parent’s house than to mine.)

Mom: Come here then! Don’t drive all the way home. Just come here and spend the night. Tell Mark to come here, too.

My mom pretty much solves all of life’s problems with family slumber parties at her house. And she does this because she’s what I lovingly call a Momma Bear. There is no question in any of our head’s that our mother would destroy anything that hurt any of her babies. No question AT ALL.

I mean, you can even see it in the last post where Mark karate chopped me in my sleep (w/ pictures).

you are such a good artist …you can draw really good and also a good actress….but are you really ok.

Very first comment. Momma Bear needed to know that Baby Bear wasn’t hurt by Mean Ugly Karate Chopping Husband Bear. And if Mean Ugly Husband Bear DID hurt Baby Bear? Oh. It would be ON.

That’s just how my mom rolls.  Don’t hurt Baby Bear. No exceptions.

Well, I thought there was no exception. I’m slowly realizing that I thought wrong. Apparently, no one can hurt Baby Bear except for the mythical creature known as Grandbaby Bear.

Grandbaby Bear can do whatever the heck it wants to Baby Bear. Grandbaby bear can make Baby Bear vomit and cause back pain. Grandbaby Bear can live INSIDE of Baby Bear and start out the size of a molecule, grow to the size of a watermelon and then push it’s way OUTSIDE of Baby Bear through a hole the size of a peanut*.

Not only is Grandbaby Bear allowed to hurt Baby Bear in all these horrible ways but Momma Bear is begging, pleading and PRAYING for this inhumane torture to befall  poor, poor Baby Bear.

And I Baby Bear would just like to say, “Not cool, Momma Bear. Not cool at all.”

*I’m really not sure if the specs of Down There match the size of a peanut. I just wanted to make a point and that point is “God should have made certain holes bigger”.

ETA:
A drawing. I promise I work.

And this drawing wasn’t sponsored by On Demand Staffing or anything, but I’d totally be down with drawing on your company’s stationary for money. Doodle-monetization. I’m all over it.

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17 thoughts on “Poor Baby Bear

  1. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    LOL!! So, so, so funny!! I’m not on team “Momma Bear” since I have been telling you all sorts of horror stories. However, I would love it if you were to tell me you are pregnant…at a McDonald’s. lol 😉


    Ha, you should get paid by schools to describe pregnancy to 13 year olds. You’d be great for abstinence education! And you KNOW you’d get the scoop at McDonald’s. That’s like our place 😀

  2. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    PS. I LOVE the drawing! You really are talented.

  3. I had to read this twice. So you AREN’T Announcing that you’re pregnant, are you? Because the first time I thought that’s what you were saying. But then I spotted the word “mythical” and now I’m thinking you’re not.

    I’m Team Momma Bear.


    Oh, it’s a mythical creature right now. However, in May we’ll be married two years which was our “we’ll seriously talk baby” mark so it feels like it’s creeping up on us 😀

    I meant to add the clarification because I realized it was sounding like an announcement. Instead I drew a picture 😀

  4. Angelia says:

    My dad is like this. Every time we get together he looks around the room and sighs and says “I know where all my people are.” The look of contentment on his face is wonderful. Even though my family drives me insane sometimes, that look is worth it.


    Right? You can just see the happiness that oozes out of them when everyone is around. The look is definitely worth it!

  5. You are such a terrific and hilarious writer, Marie. I always love your posts. I agree that it seems God made a bit of an oversight when he thought up childbirth.


    Aw, thank you, Kathleen! And, right now, I’m really hung up on the labor part of it. My mom says the scariest part of being pregnant is when you’re 8 months along and look down and realize that what’s inside is coming out. Eeek.

  6. On a day when we are digging out of another snow in Minneapolis, this was LOL funny! So are you expecting?


    Ha, no, not quite yet! However, we’re getting close to the “we’ll talk about kids” mark so who knows? 😀

  7. Hilarious. The most ironic thing about all of this—the way God set up this mama bear mentality and childbirth—is that baby bear becomes a true, ferocious Mama Bear after grandbaby bear is born, causing all that pain. I guarantee it. I often get that Mama Bear feeling rushing up and out of me, and you will too if you become a mom some day. Just you wait.


    On this side of motherhood, I think that’s crazy. That you could love and forget the pain so instantaneously. I mean, it really boggles my mind! And I love it when Mama Bear comes out 😀

    • Secret Agent "CT" says:

      I don’t believe that I will forget. It’s just that you love that little baby so unbelievably much…it makes it all okay. It’s worth all the pain and suffering. lol (where’s the 13 yr olds?)

  8. Your momma and my momma should get together and talk. The whole talking while driving in the snow conversation? Yeah, I had the same talk with my momma and she totally said, “I have to call all my babies and make sure they’re ok”.

    Gotta love ’em.

    And I was so worried that you were announcing your pregnancy just DAYS after proclaiming your love of merlot. I am happy to know that grandbaby bear is still a mythical creature.

    And I’m team Baby Bear, but little munchkins sure are cute!

  9. […] just me. Alana’s mom from Indie Not Punk reads hers. And Marie from McKinney-Oates Cereal has full on conversations with her mom on her blog.  I am sure lots of other people’s moms read their blogs.  And it feels very, […]

  10. Connie Oates says:

    You had me going there for a few….. I am on team wait, I want to be around.

  11. Veda says:

    OMG! It’s been like 10 days!! I’m craving an update!!

  12. Rebekah says:

    I thought you had some news there for a moment!
    There is another alternative – have a c-section like I did. It is probably the easy way out…literally.

  13. […] We made it to Week 14. I can officially say that I am in the 2nd trimester. For all intents and purposes the risk of miscarriage has dropped significantly and I can breathe a sigh of relief because the odds are pretty good that a watermelon will be exiting the peanut hole. […]

  14. […] I’d say that 2010′s word is braver. I’ve never been brave. Ever. I’m very timid. And compared to other people I still am very timid. But this year I became braver because I tried harder to make my business work. I became braver by being more honest with clients, pushing and challenging them more than I did in 2009. I am even becoming braver because I don’t cry when thinking about single scariest thing that I believe will ever happen to me: getting a watermelon out of a peanut hole. […]

  15. […] up cried into Mark’s arms this morning mourning the loss of so many things. My intact nether regions, french fries, my pre-baby body, and potentially my […]

  16. […] did become obsessed, however, with labor and delivery. As you all know, labor is what freaks me out the […]

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