Sometimes I think we’re not doing it enough and this freaks me out. Mark has informed me that this can be fixed and that I need to be an active participant in the fixing. His “solution” was that I ask for the sex I think I’m not getting enough of.
Blasphemy. Me? Ask for sex? That’s so the dude’s job, right?
Wrong. Apparently, all parties involved should share this responsibility. Pshh.
Since I’m terrified of rejection on all fronts, but especially this front, I found a new way to ask for sex without really asking for sex. It’s called “Hint Hint” and it goes something like this…
(all the things Mark says are actually comments made on my Facebook page when I requested everyone submit random sentences. Thanks to everyone who played with me!)
Mark: The average lifespan taste buds is 7 to 10 days. (Shelly P.)
Marie: I’m up for tasting buds… HINT. HINT.
Marie: Yes, actually, they do. Do you know what can be done with one’s knees? HINT, HINT.
Mark: I am a homeless goat. (Krista F.)
Marie: I could give your goat a home… HINT, HINT.
Mark: Which is worse: that my son drinks his own bath water or that I let him? (Matt E.)
Marie: You have a son? WTF?
Mark: Kanye West is a phenomenal poet, however, not such a good role model. (Matt E.)
Marie: I could make poetry with your model… HINT, HINT.
Mark: If someone put a gun to my head and said, “Either watch women’s basketball or Nascar” I would go mow the yard. (Matt E.)
Marie: I know a yard you could mow… HINT, HINT.
Mark: What’s the difference between a Bi-Polar Bear and a Bi-Polar Bear? (Matt E.)
Marie: I don’t know, but do you think your Bi-Polar Bear wants to play with my Bi-Polar Bear? HINT, HINT.
Mark: Some white women prefer black men subliminally due to the contrast ratio during sex and not the size of their package. (Bryan T.)
Marie: Our contrast ratio is amazing… HINT, HINT.
Mark: Apple Inc is as fair and balanced as Fox News in their respective industry. (Bryan T.)
Marie: Did you just say Fox News isn’t really fair and balanced? Take. me. now.
Mark: Ears of corn always have an even number of rows of kernels. (Julie B.)
Marie: How is your ear of corn doing? HINT, HINT.
Mark: This was beginning to feel like a Jane Austen Novel, though with fewer clothes. (Heather R.)
Marie: FEWER CLOTHES. HINT. HINT.
Mark: That’s what she said. (Shelley S.)
Marie: It IS what I said.HINT. HINT.
Mark: Sun fire wood carbon decay rust metal headbang hair shampoo chemicals water life abiogenesis self-replicating patterns chaos control alt delete nonexistence. Ah, the things Hydrogen will do when you let it sit for 13.7 billion years. (Jules C.)
Marie: Chemical reactions are fun. HINT, HINT.
Mark: This is our silly bandz store and we sell yee-ha hats. (Emily and Maddox S.)
Marie: I’d like a yee-ha hat. HINT, HINT.
Mark: Tinky winky likes to doodle. (Chris A.)
Mark: If you google Super Cat, you’ll find Nala. How ’bout that. (Linda & Melissa M.)
Marie: You can google my super cat. HINT. HINT.
Mark: Should people who have a split personality be spoken to twice? (Kevin W.)
Marie: Sure. So, HINT, HINT to you. And a HINT, HINT to our “little friend”.
Mark: When I go to the chiropractor and he starts pushing down on my back really hard, I’m secretly afraid that I’ll fart. (Sarah M.)
Marie: I’m afraid of the SAME THING… in the bedroom. HINT, HINT.
Mark: Me?? Featured?? (Rebekah P.)
Marie: Yes, featured in the bedroom. HINT, HINT.
Mark: A woman’s source of power are her boobs. No matter what size they are they have the power to make guys do what we want. (Jessica J.)
Marie: My boobs are trying to tell you something right now. HINT, HINT.
Mark: Telling you how to eat healthy and lose weight…by the way, I have lost 14 lbs. Love you. (Ginger B.)
Marie: Really? You’re going to go there while I’m HINT,HINT-ing you? Jerk.
So that, my friends, is a peek into the McKinney Oates Sanctuary. I hope you enjoyed.
And, yes, I will be HINT, HINT-ing any comments on this post.
I love a challenge.