I never did an inspiration board for my wedding. If I did do an inspiration board for my wedding, the wedding I really wanted but didn’t get, it would look like this…
The marriage of a #1 to a #12 (with sweet and sour sauce). What God has joined together let no man separate. Amen.
Alas, my mom killed that idea.
I think inspiration boards are cool for when you’re deciding how to celebrate your love. Not for finding your love.
Let me introduce you to my brother.
This is Bobby. I’m not saying that antler head bands and ugly Christmas sweaters are a part of his regular wardrobe, but I’m also not saying they aren’t.
When he graduated college I asked him one thing on a near daily basis, “When are you going to get a job?”
He has a job.
I now have a new question.
“When are you going to get a woman?”
I want a baby this Christmas and I’m not interested in childbirth. I’d love for him to knock someone up.
My mom is flipping out that I even wrote that last sentence. Sorry, Momma Bear.
Well, this weekend I decided that I wanted to help my brother out. Ya know, figure out what kind of woman he wanted. Help him clarify what exactly I should be praying for.
“What kind of woman do you want?” I asked.
“Hm. I don’t know. I want a brunette…”
My brother wanted a brunette? My brother? There is a God. Nothing against blondes. But that’s all this kid has ever been attracted to. I needed to know what was up.
“You? You want a brunette? You know that brunette means brown hair, right?”
“Yeah. With a fair complexion. Dark hair. Fair skin. And light colored eyes. Like… Rachel McAdams. You know, that color scheme.”
Oh. Hellz. Noez.
My brother did not just inspiration board his potential forever mate by color scheme, did he? Oh, yes, he did.
“Personality, Bobby. You pick people based on personality. Not color schemes. You idiot. What kind of personality are you looking for?”
At least I don’t have to wonder why he’s single anymore. Shallow loser.
All that said, I’m taking applications for my future sister-in-love. Know any single ladies interested in pairing up with a sweet guy who watches The Bachelor and once asked a girl on a date simply because he wanted to watch Kate & Leopold?
Tan blondes need not apply.