I spent much of June whining.
“Mark, when did I get so chubby? Hey! Where did you hide the cookies?”
“Mark, I only have 3 pairs of pants that fit. I’m so depressed. Pass me a Big Mac.”
“Mark, you remember when I was hot? Speaking of hot, who wants, I mean, needs a hot fudge sundae? This girl.”
To be honest, I’m really not sure how the weight gain happened…
The worst part is that as soon as I’d finish whining I’d go look in a mirror and say “What are you talking about, Hotness? Thickness is IN! And you don’t look a pound over 130. Work it, girlfriend! What?! No, Mark, I’m not talking to you…”
Then God sent me an email to knock me out of my delusional state of mind.
My wonderful friend Veda emailed me this picture of us at 21 at a party wearing something that would have given my father a heart attack (sorry, Daddy). She wrote, “Ooooh you look hot!! Thought you might want a copy!!“
I immediately thought, “That beech.”
You’re probably wondering why I’d be upset about this. She sent me a great picture of us, reminding me of the “good-young-and-hot days”. She didn’t even rub it in that I wasn’t hot anymore. This was all exceptional friend behavior, I admit that.
There’s just one little detail missing…
This is Veda from, like, LAST WEEK. She’s hotter now than she was at 21! THAT’S NOT FAIR.
*And at this point I would like to amend the Girlfriend Code of Conduct Handbook to include the clause that no reminders of past hotness may be made unless all parties have gotten unhot at the same rate. All in favor say “Aye”.
Anyways, this picture is a rare reminder of what my body could look like (what makes me laugh until I cry is that there aren’t many pictures of me wearing things like that because I THOUGHT I WAS FAT!). It’s also the background picture on my desktop so that I can’t go back into the delusional state of “Oh, I don’t look that different from *cough* 6 *cough* years ago”.
Well, off to have an ice cube lunch and do 700 jumping jacks! Check you guys on the skinny side!
(Oh, and as if you needed more reasons to hate her… she has her Master’s in Civil Engineering. From Vanderbilt. AND she’s nice. Barf.)