Respect the boob

I have small boobs. I have never really liked this fact, and I’d be lying if I said one of the first things I prayed when I became a Christian wasn’t “Really, God? Not even a B cup?”

After years of frustration with my upper-half, I finally caved and bought my first (and only) water bra. Forty dollars later and I was a certified B-cup. It was like winning the cleavage lottery.

It wasn’t long before I realized that, well, boobs really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. They’re heavy and they make my back hurt and the only reason I wanted boobs was to trick boys into flirting with me and fill out sweaters. So NOT worth it.

After spending a year as a water-enhanced B-cup I soon gave up the charade and learned my lesson: God did not design my body to handle large boobs. I was made to be a small boobed person and a small boobed person I would remain.

Never have I said that my small boobs were due to a lack of respect…

Fast forward to July 13, 2010.

Me:  I am so ready for bed. I cannot wait to take this bra [that has no underwire because MY BOOBS ARE SMALL] off!

Mark:  Yeah, God didn’t give you big boobs because you don’t RESPECT them (emphasis added by blogger).

Me: Excuse me? Respect them?

Mark’s face: Crap.

Mark: Yeah, um, respect. You don’t like to put them in the proper place. You don’t put them in The Bra. So that means they’ll get saggy. Which is… not respectful.

Mark’s face: Yeah, I think that cleared everything up just fine. Bravo, self. Bravo.

My face: Shut up.

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6 thoughts on “Respect the boob

  1. Rebecca says:

    Haha, I laughed out loud. Small boob girls unite!

  2. Hahahahahaha . . . . fabulous. I loved everything about this post.

    Men should not be allowed to ever talk about boobs unless they are complimenting them. What do they know about bras and sagging? Answer: NOTHING.

    I’ve always said that the only reason I wear a bra is because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any boobs at all! Thank goodness for padding.

  3. Secret Agent "CT" says:

    lol! What in the world in Mark talking about and why?!?! lol Tell him in the future if this comes up in conversation again, to just agree with you.

    So so so funny.

  4. Liza says:

    Cheer up…they come with babies!

  5. […] years feeling like God hated me because I wasn’t blessed with boobage. And then I bought a water bra and realized God didn’t hate me at all! Boobs were for the […]

  6. […] talked plenty about not having boobs, but I haven’t talked much about being the mom of a Late Talker. And […]

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