I have small boobs. I have never really liked this fact, and I’d be lying if I said one of the first things I prayed when I became a Christian wasn’t “Really, God? Not even a B cup?”
After years of frustration with my upper-half, I finally caved and bought my first (and only) water bra. Forty dollars later and I was a certified B-cup. It was like winning the cleavage lottery.
It wasn’t long before I realized that, well, boobs really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. They’re heavy and they make my back hurt and the only reason I wanted boobs was to trick boys into flirting with me and fill out sweaters. So NOT worth it.
After spending a year as a water-enhanced B-cup I soon gave up the charade and learned my lesson: God did not design my body to handle large boobs. I was made to be a small boobed person and a small boobed person I would remain.
Never have I said that my small boobs were due to a lack of respect…
Fast forward to July 13, 2010.
Me: I am so ready for bed. I cannot wait to take this bra [that has no underwire because MY BOOBS ARE SMALL] off!
Mark: Yeah, God didn’t give you big boobs because you don’t RESPECT them (emphasis added by blogger).
Me: Excuse me? Respect them?
Mark’s face: Crap.
Mark: Yeah, um, respect. You don’t like to put them in the proper place. You don’t put them in The Bra. So that means they’ll get saggy. Which is… not respectful.
Mark’s face: Yeah, I think that cleared everything up just fine. Bravo, self. Bravo.
My face: Shut up.