The week that I found out I was pregnant was, well, stressful. It wasn’t so much because of the lifelong responsibility that was barreling towards us despite the fact that WE WEREN’T TRYING. Yes, I realize that having sex without taking any precautions would seem to say that we were trying, but trust me WE WEREN’T TRYING. I mean, people who are trying don’t immediately stand up after HINT, HINT and pray gravity works its magic, right?
What do you mean that’s not a valid form of birth control?
My stress was coming from the fact that I had no clue what to eat. My idea of a well-rounded diet was making sure to order different numbered combo meals. I’m pretty sure starting the Marshmallow off on a steady diet of cholesterol and hydrogenated oil was a surefire way to win the Crappiest Mom Award, which I don’t think I’ll truly be able to appreciate or deserve until I’m at least 6 months in, ya know?
I started racking my brain thinking of what former pregnant friends talked about eating during pregnancy and then I realized I didn’t have that many friends that I was actually close to during their pregnancy. Basically, I tried to avoid all you pregger ladies because “Ew, you have coooties!”
Anyways, my friend Miranda (and co-designer of my fab office) immediately came to mind. She mentioned once that during her pregnancy she loved edamame. Edamame! Of course! Nature’s french fry!
After eating, well, A WHOLE LOT of edamame it occurred to me that this was Miranda’s pregnancy food of choice. You probably didn’t know this, but Miranda had quite the labor experience. I’m currently in therapy trying to erase the knowledge of it from my brain, but one detail that doesn’t seem to go away is that SHE FRACTURED HER PELVIS.
Dudes, are you comprehending what I’m saying? Her baby busted out of her like the Kool-aid Man.
I’m no Angela Lansbury, but I was able to put the clues together. Edamame could possibly give Marshmallow super human strength. Like, the ability to crush bones. Sorry, little guy, but Mommy likes her bones. I tossed the edamame.
Needless to say, I’m still nutritious food ignorant. What kinds of food suggestions do you all have that will ensure I give birth to a healthy baby but NOT a Cullen spawn? The midwife reminded me to be mindful of protein since most snacks are carbs. Any suggestions? Ideas? Because I’m getting tired of grapes.