The status of my boobs during this pregnancy will get their own post. Trust.
However, for you to understand why we were even discussing my boobs that morning you’ll need to know that they are getting bigger. Not humongous yet, but bigger. Like, the size my boobs used to be with padding is now their real size. Awesome. I know.
Also, I’ve realized that any morning conversations regarding the current size of my boobs are Mark’s new way to initiate Hint, Hint. You can just call him “Mr. Smooth”.
Mark: Do you think you need a new bra now? Have you outgrown your regular ones yet?
Me: Nah, I’m good. I’m just wearing my bras without the padding. You know, from my “everything is better natural” days. Heh.
Mark: Heh. Yeah, no one really likes natural.
Me: Oh, really?
Mark: Um. I mean… you know. I mean, everyone brushes their teeth or puts on make up. That’s, um… ya know, not natural.
Me: Are you saying that a pad-less bra is the same level of unattractive as not brushing your teeth? Is that what you’re saying?
My face: [I am going to cry the whole time I’m tearing your body apart. Do you feel good about yourself knowing you made your PREGNANT wife cry? Jerk.]
Mark’s face: [Our Father, who art in heaven… I’m dead.]
Me: I guess you think I’m ugly and you regret marrying me and you cry yourself to sleep at night thinking about your predicament. Did I get that right?
Mark: You’re pretty…[please let that work, please let that work…]
Me: That’s better. [Know your role. Jerk.]