We made it to Week 14. I can officially say that I am in the 2nd trimester. For all intents and purposes the risk of miscarriage has dropped significantly and I can breathe a sigh of relief because the odds are pretty good that a watermelon will be exiting the peanut hole.
I’m feeling a million times better. I’ve heard horrible stories about other people’s morning sickness, so I hesitate to even hint at complaining about my 2 weeks of nausea and the general feeling of exhaustion.
Mark on the other hand did not handle my puny morning sickness well at all. The first time I threw up he stood behind me and prayed that God would make it stop. I thought it was sweet. When I stood up from barfing and turned around he was had tears in his eyes. Seriously? He said he hated seeing me suffer and him being unable to help. Well, I told him that he’s going to have to man up because we’re headed towards much bigger suffering than a little vomiting. In a few short months we’d be playing in the pregnancy major leagues and he needed to get his big boy pants on now. Also, this is something he should really think about the next time he insists HINT, HINT would be a great way to start the day.
We also heard Marshmallow’s heartbeat a few weeks ago. That was trippy. Before then I don’t know that it had really hit me that at this point in time there are two hearts (among other organs and body parts) currently taking up space in my body. In honor of hearing the heartbeat, Mark changed Marshmallow’s name for the day to Thumper.
The best part of feeling better is that I’m finally thinking about business again. Now trust me, I’m not a little counseling practice building tycoon by any stretch of the imagination, but in a lot of ways it is my offspring. It’s a part of who I am that I share with the world, and I’m proud of it and I love dreaming of all the ways that it can grow and change.
In the middle of the worst part of “morning sickness”, the last thing on my mind, no matter how hard I tried, was business. I just didn’t care about my little practice. I’d get an idea and then I’d go to sleep. Or I’d think of something to add to the workshop and then start crying because Mark forgot to get me ice cream and how can I help people with their marriages when mine is clearly falling apart.
I was scared that the two couldn’t coexist, the baby growing and the business growing. I was scared that my focus and identity would become consumed by all things Marshmallow. While I have mad respect for women who have dedicated their lives to motherhood, I just don’t see that ever being me. And I absolutely hated the idea of losing a part of myself that I truly loved. I haven’t read about anyone else going through an identity crisis during their first pregnancy, so I hesitate to bring it up. Maybe I am susceptible to it because we weren’t technically “trying”. Or because I’ve never seen myself as a maternal. Or because I’m hormonal and I am taking myself way too seriously. Who knows.
Thankfully, my energy came back and I’m now able to think about business stuff. Without throwing up.
And that, my friends, was a wrap up of all things 1st trimester.