Can you feel The Burn? And I might be talking about hell…

I don’t have many deep thoughts. I know that surprises you, given the philosophical nature of this blog, but seriously, I’m not the one you go to when you’ve got deep theological questions burning a hole in your head.  Now if you want the ‘entrée’ of all the combo meals at McDonald’s? I’m totally your girl.

This weekend, however, I got to swimming in the deep end of the pool and have these two questions:

1) In the first chapter of Exodus the Pharaoh orders the midwives to kill the Hebrew boys, but the midwives fear God and won’t do it. When Pharaoh asks why they (in my understanding) lie and say that the Hebrew women are too good at giving birth and they don’t get there in time. And God is good to the midwives. Is this not lying? And why is God cool with it? Please feel free to comment if you have some insight into this.

2) My wardrobe consists of only blue jeans right now. Sometimes I feel bad about this because I wear blue jeans all the time to church now. You could tell me the Pope was going to be there on Sunday and I still probably wouldn’t dress up. Unless the Pope wanted to buy me a pair of dressy maternity pants, of course. Then I’d think about it.

Regardless, dressing up for church has been explained to me as being important because it brings honor to God and is presenting your best to our Lord. Got it. But here in the Bible belt you are supposed to go to church on Sunday and Wednesday night. And on Wednesday night it’s typically the exact same format as Sunday morning worship (3 songs and a sermon), but it’s like Casual Friday at work and you could go there in your workout clothes, if you felt so inclined, and no one would bat a lash. And I guess what I’m wondering is, why don’t you have to dress up for Wednesday night church? Should God just be happy you showed up for an extra hour and not expect your best outfit? I’m really just curious.

Anyways.

I share my two “deep thoughts” for the year with my husband on the way to church yesterday…

Me:  Why can’t I go to church in my workout clothes on Sunday? Like, if I was going to The YMCA after Wednesday service I could go in my workout clothes, but if I wanted to workout after Sunday’s service I’d have to bring clothes to change? What is up with that?

Mark: Hmm… you’ve hit on something really interesting…

Let me pause and explain something real quick. My husband is deep thoughts incarnate. He likes to think of the philosophical, theological, and intellectual aspect of everything. Everything. This is awesome in my world because I get to talk about whether farts in the shower truly are stinkier than dry air farts and don’t lose any IQ points because I’m married to that guy over there reading Kierkegaard.

So when he said that I had hit on “something really interesting” I thought I really had said something interesting.

Like, theologically interesting.

Like, “Paul makes the same PROFOUND point in Romans” interesting.

So then I went fishing…

Me:  Really? Interesting, you say. What’s interesting about what I said? (begins arranging my theological peacock feathers)

Mark:   Well, you know how at the gym they have those Cardio Theaters where you can get on treadmills and watch movies at the same time? Why not do the same thing, but with sermons? I bet lots of people would love to get their spiritual exercise at the same time as their physical exercise. It’s a neat idea for a church…

The only profundity that my deep thinker husband could find in me was a Jesus Gym?

Womp, womp, indeed.

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2 thoughts on “Can you feel The Burn? And I might be talking about hell…

  1. Dorie Morgan says:

    If you are ever in Pennsylvania, I hope you’ll come by Redemption Church. Our idea of dressing up is that our pastor wears a tie with his jeans. And occasionally I show up in my pajamas. Because I’m pretty sure Jesus loves me when I’m not wearing make up and I know Jesus loves our homeless friends who may or may not have showered this month. 🙂

  2. Omari says:

    “I get to talk about whether farts in the shower truly are stinkier than dry air farts”

    That is by far my favorite line of all time

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