Your Girl Scout Cookies are Laughing at You

Y’all know what time of the year it is, right?

A time filled with wonder and magic and elf-like creatures bringing you your heart’s desire.


I got (part) of my order today, and I’m so excited.

In an attempt to NOT eat all of my delicious Samoas before 10 A.M. I started reading the box.

photo (3)Y’all know I’m a fan of cookies and woman-empowerment, but I have a bad feeling that the Girl Scouts are making fun of us.

By selling crackmeth cookies, the Girl Scouts say that they are developing skills in Goal Setting, Decision Making, Money Management, People Skills, and Business Ethics.

I’m happy for them, but I kinda feel like the 4 (or 5) (quit judging) boxes of Girl Scout cookies are a testament to the deterioration of my own skills:

  • Goal Setting – Does anyone remember their New Year’s Resolution? Do we think it’s a mistake that these morsels of goodness come out in the middle of February? I think not.
  • Decision Making – I know that I can buy the SAME DAMN COOKIE at the grocery store for $1.99, and yet here we are.
  • Money Management – It is $3.50 per box. I paid more for 12 cookies than I did for a gallon of gas with my Kroger points. (Just kidding, Mark. A co-worker bought them for us. And I only have 2 boxes.)
  • People Skills – I don’t want to go anywhere or talk to anyone anymore! I want to hide under the covers and eat cookies. #Nomnomnom #nosharing
  • Business Ethics – This hasn’t hurt my business ethics, but really, Girl Scouts? You’re building an empire of crack cocaine coconut goodness on the backs of little girls and paying them in pizza parties. I don’t know who runs this outfit, but I’m pretty sure the GOP needs you for their 2016 Presidential ticket.

I’m glad that my patronage is going to help the local girl scouts do “big things”, but man oh man is my own future looking kinda bleak.



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