1. Everywhere I turn people insist that 3 is THE year. They are talking in full sentences and pooping in the toilet and are so close to being legitimate people.
But here’s what I think. I think 3 is the year that parents fully accept that they’re a mediocre parent at best AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. It’s like the first time you fart in front of your significant other and you don’t even panic because you know they love you and a little stink isn’t going to scare anyone. That’s why 3 is awesome. Because everyone quits caring and starts relaxing.
And if not caring had a spirit animal I’m pretty sure it would be Ron Swanson.
2. The not caring goes both ways. When Otis first sang “A, B, C, C, C…” while sitting at the piano you’d think I’d be ecstatic, right? My kid busts out his letters IN THE RIGHT ORDER and I’m pretty sure I should have been giving him a standing ovation or something.
Do you know what I did? I said, “D, E, F, G.” Because I’m a Tiger Mom on the inside.
Anyways, Otis looked at me and was basically like…
3. I once heard that you should wean your kid from The Boob once they can say, “Hey, give me The Boob.” Well, I have another rule to add. You should seriously start potty training when they request scratch time before you put the new diaper on. And you’re probably all, “He is still in diapers! He is 3! OF COURSE you should potty train him by now!”
To which Otis and I are all…
4. Speaking of the diaper vicinity, Otis watches a lot of Caillou. Caillou has introduced him to the world of hockey and hockey sticks. When Otis sees his area he calls it a hockey stick. Or just stick. But his “s” sound still isn’t great so it sounds like… well, you know what it sounds like. When I try to tell Otis that maybe Hockey Stick isn’t the best name, he’s basically like…
5. I’m kind of terrified about Otis’s birthday because it could go in so many directions.
He could be overwhelmed by all of the people.
He could think the whole thing is plain dumb and ask to go home.
Or he could recognize that it’s all of his favorite people in one place and it’ll be a Tiger Woods kind of day.
But none of this really matters because the weather is supposed to be perfect so I’m simply gonna be like this…